Book/ Conversations with God

On speaking to Father Brown he said to me that " God is speaking to everyone the problem is not many are listening 

This all began as far as I can remember when I was five years old  me ,and my two brothers had been taken to a convalescent home . This was the policy of the Government in the fifties  for anyone living in rundown accommodation .For many thousands it meant being shipped abroad never to see their families again . But for me and my brothers we were lucky enough to be kept in this country where we were able to be near our family . Eventually my two brothers were sent to same convalescent home , but I was sent to a home on my own . The first night because I was afraid I called out three times for the Nurse . To which one of the other boys said " he thinks this is a bloody hospital " . It was at that moment I decided never to ask for help again . Having made adjustments to living in the home managed to form a kind of committee with a few of the other boys . Our plan was to escape , and get back to London . During my time at the home made myself into the model pupil . For everything we did that was good we were given a gold star . Remember my Mum being so proud  as I had three times more gold stars than the others . I was allowed one visit a month believe was there for six months . Whilst there was given what was good food only not what I was used to . So so I would put the food I did not like in my pocket , and place it behind the toilet to hide it . One day the head person said the cleaner had been finding the food behind the toilet , and whoever  was doing this should tell them . So they could be given other food . The next day I told one of the people that I did not like the food she said "if you dont eat it you wont be allowed a visit this month". So put the food in my pocket , and placed it behind the toilet . At times virtually starving myself for the six months . Most Sundays we were taken to Church . It was there one Sunday I said to God "if my family did not go to Heaven I did not want to go ". I know He heard me because many years later I went to a Christian Retreat house ,and was given a room that looked over  the part of the coast where the convalescent home was . And I felt Him say " That Was Then This Is Now " this was when the pain of those memories disappeared  . Many times have asked to be forgiven for saying it , and I know He has as well as looking after my family .

Have visited that same Retreat House many times whilst there on one time got the news that my wonderful dog Toby had died . On going to bed prayed to God that I could see Toby one more time . To my amazement that night I dreamt of Toby running  jumping into my arms ,and as I cuddled him he looked at me letting me know everything was all right . What is even more amazing is that I can recall that dream as though has only just happened . Another time I was there one of the people who was staying asked me to walk with them across the lawn to their accommodation as they were unsteady on their legs . This I did , and returning across the lawn heard two of the other women shout to stand still . Suddenly realised there were a large number of big dragonflies flying near me . Around sixteen were counted all flying in a elongated circle around me . Sharing this at the Dinner table that evening I said looking looking at some of those dragonflies in sunlight some seemed to look like angels to which the Minister replied how do you know they was not .                                                                                                                                                      Also I visited the same Retreat House the week my Mother died on waking after nights sleep felt a commotion outside my bedroom window . On drawing the curtains saw large number birds in a small  bush all chatting away . Found myself saying are you trying to tell me something Lord to which I felt Him say " I Am in the Chapel " . My immediate response was to put my boots on and rush to the chapel it was while I was still trying to put on my other boot that I bumped into the breakfast lady after saying sorry got to the Chapel . On entering the Chapel , and closing the door starting thinking about Mum , and all I could think about were all the bad times . Started saying sorry  for not loving for all the times had said something bad . How I had no love . Fell on my knees got cramp was half dancing round the room in pain . When I felt Him say " Stop" suddenly felt a peace , and calmness come over me .  Then the most wonderful thing happened I felt Him come and stand by my side , and felt Him say " Sorry for Taking Mum" it was then I knew she was with Him .                                                                                                                                                         It was later that day I was in the art room , and shared what had happened to two woman who were staying . When I finished one of them ran out of the room crying . Saying to the other one sorry about that did not mean to hurt her to which she replied " maybe she has problems".     Later on my way to lunch saw the woman who had been crying . She came up to me and to my surprise asked if she could hug me . She then proceeded to tell me that twenty years before her Mum had died , and within two days her Dad had died . She had not cried since until today when she heard what I shared with them 

There will be more to follow in the coming weeks